You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

— Mae West

It’s called memories

In our life, we have many memories. Some memories we can call good. Some memories we can call bad. Life is a struggle we all know. Without struggle, we can’t think about our life properly. Sometimes we face money problems. Sometimes we face living hood problems. Hi, I am Anshika. I have some sweet memories. I am now in the airport and I sit on a bench and wait for some time for my flight. My flight starts at 9 P.M. I go to America with my husband. I can still remember when I was twenty years old. I came from Bangladesh. During my young age, I married a man who was a foreigner. My dad arranged my marriage at Twenty years old. And my husband age was Twenty seven years old then. My husband lives in America with his family. He was born in America. But his parents are not foreigner . My father in law find American Citizenship when he got married a American lady named is Mikki Swift. My father in law is a big business man .My dad and my father in law both are still best friend. They arranged our marriage that time. His father actually pressurised him to marry me.

My husband’s full name is Manish Chowdhury. But everyone call him Mike in America. In 2014, Mike comes from America with his full family to attend another marriage party . My family and I also join this party. Mike father saw me at this party and decided to make me his daughter-in-law. He gave me a gold chain. I was happy to see Mike and agreed to marry him . In 2014 , at 14 August I married Mike. I could feel that he wasn’t happy to marry me . He was upset and I could feel that all the time. My husband actually likes western culture. But I like my own cultural. That’s why I thought he can’t accept me. One day I told him that I wanted to make him my friend ,only just friend. He accepted me as his friend. And told me why he upset ? He think that he was American and I was Bangladeshi. One day he returned his country to left me alone. What I think about him and what I think about his family ? He also loved another girl . He also think that he also gave her to deceive. That’s why he felt guilty. I said him that please don’t upset. Sometimes we can’t find our lover. It’s called destiny. I accepted my destiny with you or without you. I told him that we can be good friend . He agreed with me .I told him what I like or dislike. He also told me about his like or dislike, about his country’s tradition, life style, food ,dress , bar etc. After some time we make each other best friend. He asked me if Bangladesh has any bar. I replied him that I didn’t know about it. I asked him if he want to drink. He told me not really but he want to drink a glass of wine only one with me. I agreed with him . And my one friend took us a bar where we drink wine but nick drank four times which made him fully loaded him . I went a bar for a first time and drank also first time. At that night we make a precious time with each other . He proposed me that night and told me that he start to love me. He give me a tight hug and told me that never deceive me and never hurt me. He must take care of me in the whole life.

After some days, we planned for our honeymoon trip in Saint Martin Island. We enjoyed our day but we faced to stay together in one room . So we stay two different room . Because all room are booked for holiday Christmas trips .Here we stayed one night in a hotel and another trip we made in Cox’s Bazar. In Cox’s Bazar we also stay in a luxurious hotel .we booked a big honeymoon suite. I felt very shy at night . Because first time we ready to stay together with each other and share a one bedroom . It’s our first night. Actually , we stay together in our own room but not sleep at night to share a bed with each other. We touch each other and think what happened in our heart. I felt a beautiful feelings and I felt that I heard a beautiful guitar sound in my heart. I can still remember that night the weather was so much romantic. And there is not too much cold and not too much hot. The room also decorated by candle and flower. We also enjoyed our night to eat a candle night dinner.

After one month , I did pregnancy result and found myself as a mother who carried a baby in her womb . My feelings I can’t share you properly . There is knows no bounds of my happiness. I shared it with Mike and my family and also his family. They also happy to hear this good news. Me and Mike decided if I gave born a baby girl that we keep our baby name Sanvi Chowdhury and call her Goongoon. If I gave born a baby boy we call him Aaushmaan. After some months gone that time I am six months pregnancy in my womb and I take care our little heart Goongoon. One day some American Embassy came with some police .I felt very afraid to see their. They take my Mike and lock the door . I heard some thing outside of the room . They gave treat Mike to leave Bangladesh and go to again America. I am surprised when Mike told me that his American Visa time is over. I said him why he didn’t tell me. I felt very angry with him why ? Why he didn’t tell me ? His visa time was expired. He requested my father that he want to make a passport for me. And gave some US Dollars. He also requested my father that to take care of me and our unborn child and as soon as possible he take us in America with him. At 16 April, in Dhaka Airport I and my full family went with him . His flight time was night at 8.30pm. My both eyes feel up with tears. I run behind him and tightly hug him and cry .He promised me that he came as early as possible. But he never came back. After some months I gave a born baby girl and what I and my love decided we keep our baby name Sanvi Chowdhury and call her Goongoon as her nick name. I can’t any kind of contract with my husband. Because they changed their number.

After passing 3 years my father decided to give marry me again with another businessmen who lived in our country. But I rejected my father’s idea and leave my home and settled in Dhaka city in my uncle’s house . My uncle and aunt have no child .So they take care of me as their own child and my daughter as their own granddaughter.

After passing 5 years Goongoon was five years old now. She all time asked me about her father. But I didn’t tell her about her father. I had a photo of her father . I gave her it . And in every day Goongoon miss her dad. She said to see the photo of her father , please , came back. And also told everyone had pappa but my pappa didn’t live with me. She prayed to God , O God ; please tell my Dadda to come back. Mamma all time cried because of Dadda. I didn’t like. I must be prove myself as a Mamma’s doll. When I saw to hear that my heart hurt and my sorrow grow up day by day. I work now in a multinational Private company . I completed my post graduation in Masters in English and got a healthy GPA or first division. I can manage myself and Goongoon’s all expenses. My daughter read in class one in a English Medium School .

One day morning I received a call and I heard that my husband’s voice . I felt so much angry and told him please don’t call me again. I am death for you and our daughter also death for you and cut the phone call. My daughter heard everything. I cried so much. My daughter told me Maammaa , I didn’t need father .I only your doll and your little baby. Maammaa please don’t cry .After some days Mikki came to my uncle house . He found my address from my father. I didn’t want to any talk with him. Now , he make him a business tycoon in America. He bought some expensive toys and dolls for Goongoon. But Goongoon didn’t accept the toys and dolls and didn’t talk with her. He said her ‘ O my little princess, why you so upset. She said him “ I am only maammaa’s doll.’ My baby also got angry to see her dad after many years. She tell him , “please pappa let us alone. I am seeing my maamma to cry everyday. Once upon a time I need you. Right now ,I don’t need you Dadda . Maammaa is my only life . Please go away and leave us alone.” After some moments my husband hold my hands tightly and said “, please dear give me one chance to clear myself. I am also alone .” I tell him “why? you are not alone .you have your girlfriend.”

I tell him , please tell me what do you want and go from here . Me and my daughter can manage ourselves. He tell me that his father’s business ruined .They lost everything . They lost their car, house every thing . They became poor. That’s why he can’t contract with me. I say him , I only love you. I don’t need your property or luxurious life. “we find back everything now. I want both of you . I love you so much. Please forget everything “ he said me. I tell him that I make my life my own way. I can’t forget you or can’t stop to love you. Please go away for our life. Without you I can think myself properly. Please you can go.

In that night my daughter tells me,” Maammaa I need Dadda . Please you forgive him . He is my Dadda . I can’t live without him . Everyone has Dadda . .why ? I have not. Mom please only for me .” I think some days about it. My little poor child miss her Dadda. She got too much fever because of it. I think I only think myself. I have to think only my daughter well.

.After some days I call him . And tell him I don’t need property or luxurious life I need your love and support. My husband tell me please dear forgive me . I got a big mistake . That’s why God punish me. But I don’t think to deceive you in my dreams. I only love you. I love you also my heart , I say him.

He tells me that please came back in my life . I tell him ok. But our daughter have no passport. He says me don’t worry . I manage everything. We make our baby passport urgently. After one month , We find our baby passport and apply for American Visa.

We buy American tickets . Right now , I sit in plan with my husband and our little doll Goongoon.

But really I only know what I sacrifice in my life.

It’s called memories

In our life, we have many memories. Some memories we can call good. Some memories we can call bad. Life is struggle we all know . Without struggle we can’t think our life properly . Sometimes we face money problem. Sometimes we face living hood problems. Hi, I am Anshika . I have some sweet memories. I am now in airport and I sit in a bench and wait for some time to my flight. My flight starts at 9P.M. I go to America with my husband. I can still remember when I was Twenty years old. I came from Bangladesh. During my young age, I married a man who was a foreigner. My dad arranged my marriage at Twenty years old. And my husband age was Twenty seven years old then. My husband lives in America with his family. He was born in America. But his parents are not foreigner . My father in law find American Citizenship when he got married a American lady named is Mikki Swift. My father in law is a big business man .My dad and my father in law both are still best friend. They arranged our marriage that time. His father actually pressurised him to marry me.

My husband’s full name is Manish Chowdhury. But everyone call him Mike in America. In 2014, Mike comes from America with his full family to attend another marriage party . My family and I also join this party. Mike father saw me at this party and decided to make me his daughter-in-law. He gave me a gold chain. I was happy to see Mike and agreed to marry him . In 2014 , at 14 August I married Mike. I could feel that he wasn’t happy to marry me . He was upset and I could feel that all the time. My husband actually likes western culture. But I like my own cultural. That’s why I thought he can’t accept me. One day I told him that I wanted to make him my friend ,only just friend. He accepted me as his friend. And told me why he upset ? He think that he was American and I was Bangladeshi. One day he returned his country to left me alone. What I think about him and what I think about his family ? He also loved another girl . He also think that he also gave her to deceive. That’s why he felt guilty. I said him that please don’t upset. Sometimes we can’t find our lover. It’s called destiny. I accepted my destiny with you or without you. I told him that we can be good friend . He agreed with me .I told him what I like or dislike. He also told me about his like or dislike, about his country’s tradition, life style, food ,dress , bar etc. After some time we make each other best friend. He asked me if Bangladesh has any bar. I replied him that I didn’t know about it. I asked him if he want to drink. He told me not really but he want to drink a glass of wine only one with me. I agreed with him . And my one friend took us a bar where we drink wine but nick drank four times which made him fully loaded him . I went a bar for a first time and drank also first time. At that night we make a precious time with each other . He proposed me that night and told me that he start to love me. He give me a tight hug and told me that never deceive me and never hurt me. He must take care of me in the whole life.

After some days, we planned for our honeymoon trip in Saint Martin Island. We enjoyed our day but we faced to stay together in one room . So we stay two different room . Because all room are booked for holiday Christmas trips .Here we stayed one night in a hotel and another trip we made in Cox’s Bazar. In Cox’s Bazar we also stay in a luxurious hotel .we booked a big honeymoon suite. I felt very shy at night . Because first time we ready to stay together with each other and share a one bedroom . It’s our first night. Actually , we stay together in our own room but not sleep at night to share a bed with each other. We touch each other and think what happened in our heart. I felt a beautiful feelings and I felt that I heard a beautiful guitar sound in my heart. I can still remember that night the weather was so much romantic. And there is not too much cold and not too much hot. The room also decorated by candle and flower. We also enjoyed our night to eat a candle night dinner.

After one month , I did pregnancy result and found myself as a mother who carried a baby in her womb . My feelings I can’t share you properly . There is knows no bounds of my happiness. I shared it with Mike and my family and also his family. They also happy to hear this good news. Me and Mike decided if I gave born a baby girl that we keep our baby name Sanvi Chowdhury and call her Goongoon. If I gave born a baby boy we call him Aaushmaan. After some months gone that time I am six months pregnancy in my womb and I take care our little heart Goongoon. One day some American Embassy came with some police .I felt very afraid to see their. They take my Mike and lock the door . I heard some thing outside of the room . They gave treat Mike to leave Bangladesh and go to again America. I am surprised when Mike told me that his American Visa time is over. I said him why he didn’t tell me. I felt very angry with him why ? Why he didn’t tell me ? His visa time was expired. He requested my father that he want to make a passport for me. And gave some US Dollars. He also requested my father that to take care of me and our unborn child and as soon as possible he take us in America with him. At 16 April, in Dhaka Airport I and my full family went with him . His flight time was night at 8.30pm. My both eyes feel up with tears. I run behind him and tightly hug him and cry .He promised me that he came as early as possible. But he never came back. After some months I gave a born baby girl and what I and my love decided we keep our baby name Sanvi Chowdhury and call her Goongoon as her nick name. I can’t any kind of contract with my husband. Because they changed their number.

After passing 3 years my father decided to give marry me again with another businessmen who lived in our country. But I rejected my father’s idea and leave my home and settled in Dhaka city in my uncle’s house . My uncle and aunt have no child .So they take care of me as their own child and my daughter as their own granddaughter.

After passing 5 years Goongoon was five years old now. She all time asked me about her father. But I didn’t tell her about her father. I had a photo of her father . I gave her it . And in every day Goongoon miss her dad. She said to see the photo of her father , please , came back. And also told everyone had pappa but my pappa didn’t live with me. She prayed to God , O God ; please tell my Dadda to come back. Mamma all time cried because of Dadda. I didn’t like. I must be prove myself as a Mamma’s doll. When I saw to hear that my heart hurt and my sorrow grow up day by day. I work now in a multinational Private company . I completed my post graduation in Masters in English and got a healthy GPA or first division. I can manage myself and Goongoon’s all expenses. My daughter read in class one in a English Medium School .

One day morning I received a call and I heard that my husband’s voice . I felt so much angry and told him please don’t call me again. I am death for you and our daughter also death for you and cut the phone call. My daughter heard everything. I cried so much. My daughter told me Maammaa , I didn’t need father .I only your doll and your little baby. Maammaa please don’t cry .After some days Mikki came to my uncle house . He found my address from my father. I didn’t want to any talk with him. Now , he make him a business tycoon in America. He bought some expensive toys and dolls for Goongoon. But Goongoon didn’t accept the toys and dolls and didn’t talk with her. He said her ‘ O my little princess, why you so upset. She said him “ I am only maammaa’s doll.’ My baby also got angry to see her dad after many years. She tell him , “please pappa let us alone. I am seeing my maamma to cry everyday. Once upon a time I need you. Right now ,I don’t need you Dadda . Maammaa is my only life . Please go away and leave us alone.” After some moments my husband hold my hands tightly and said “, please dear give me one chance to clear myself. I am also alone .” I tell him “why? you are not alone .you have your girlfriend.”

I tell him , please tell me what do you want and go from here . Me and my daughter can manage ourselves. He tell me that his father’s business ruined .They lost everything . They lost their car, house every thing . They became poor. That’s why he can’t contract with me. I say him , I only love you. I don’t need your property or luxurious life. “we find back everything now. I want both of you . I love you so much. Please forget everything “ he said me. I tell him that I make my life my own way. I can’t forget you or can’t stop to love you. Please go away for our life. Without you I can think myself properly. Please you can go.

In that night my daughter tells me,” Maammaa I need Dadda . Please you forgive him . He is my Dadda . I can’t live without him . Everyone has Dadda . .why ? I have not. Mom please only for me .” I think some days about it. My little poor child miss her Dadda. She got too much fever because of it. I think I only think myself. I have to think only my daughter well.

.After some days I call him . And tell him I don’t need property or luxurious life I need your love and support. My husband tell me please dear forgive me . I got a big mistake . That’s why God punish me. But I don’t think to deceive you in my dreams. I only love you. I love you also my heart , I say him.

He tells me that please came back in my life . I tell him ok. But our daughter have no passport. He says me don’t worry . I manage everything. We make our baby passport urgently. After one month , We find our baby passport and apply for American Visa.

We buy American tickets . Right now , I sit in plan with my husband and our little doll Goongoon.

But really I only know what I sacrifice in my life.

Written By Aparna Chowdhury

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